What needs Tim — LOAF OF DUTY landing page

This page ran the full 11-stage pipeline unattended on 2026-08-26 and passed every gate (test-reader gauntlet: page average 4.21, 10/10 would play, zero red-team criticals; voice metrics 14/14 after documented anaphora judgment). It is a preview: noindexed, on a throwaway subdomain, never linked from the portal. Every number and every all-caps line was verified against the shipped game's source (src/strings.js, waves.js, weapons.js, geese.js); none were invented. These are the calls only you can make.

Before publishing anywhere real

The permanent promises. The page says, in writing: no ads, no account, no purchases, free forever. Publishing binds LOAF OF DUTY to stay free-with-no-catch. Sign off consciously.
Swan height. "About 2.3 meters" comes from SPEC.md's model contract (models.js scale 1.86 is consistent with it), but nobody measured the shipped swan. If you want zero spec-derived numbers, swap to "taller than you are" (eye height is 1.7m, so that version is verifiably true).
Session length. "About a lunch break, give or take wave nine" is an estimate. One timed full run would firm it up or soften it.
The Untitled Goose Game nod. The Deploy list names it (nominative, affectionate). Remove the bullet if you'd rather have zero third-party names on the page.
Mobile visitors dead-end by design. Social traffic is mobile-heavy; mobile users see an honest "needs a desktop, worth the walk" note but have no send-to-desktop affordance (email-me-the-link, copy button). That's a feature decision, not a copy fix. The red team flagged it as the page's biggest real conversion risk.
Tone check on the lead. "Stare at your sandwich like it owes them rent" and the general goose-slander register tested well with all ten personas, but it's your name on it.

Nice-to-haves the page is built to receive

Player quotes. No reviews exist yet and the page says so nowhere (it simply shows the game instead). When the portal's rate widget collects real comments, a strip fits naturally between "Under the joke" and "Free, actually."
A victory screenshot. The page quotes the victory screen but deliberately doesn't show victory.png (the ending stays earned). If you disagree, the file is already in the repo.
Headline alternative. Tested runner-up: "The pond has emptied. Hold the blanket." One-line swap; everything else holds.

What this preview deliberately does not do

No custom domain, no DNS, no portal changes, no analytics, no indexing. The CTAs link to the real live game at playmoehrgames.com/play/honkfire/, which already exists and is unchanged.

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